Transformed Talk (Part 1)

(Bumping this to the top, I hope it’s a blessing for you.)

One of the things God has been really working on me lately is still a work in progress and we’ve been at a long time now. Not sure how He hasn’t given up on me yet. I’d really like to share with you what He’s been teaching me. I called this, The Transformed Talk.

Have you ever dug really deep into the Bible and studied what you and I, as Christians, should be talking about? The kind of words should be coming out of your mouths? What do our conversations say about us? Well, this is what we are going to talk about in this post – it’s been so heavy on my heart, but so hard to put into writing (I should have just done a video, would have been so much easier).

For the most part, we as women are all the same! We were rather blessed with the number of words that come out of our mouths on a daily basis (or maybe not so blessed). Statistics show that on average, women speak 20,000 words a day – men about 7,000. Kind of crazy, don’t you think! Have you ever sat down and analyzed those 20,000 words that have come out of your mouth?

As I studied Scripture, I was surprised at the amount of information God left for us through His instructional book of life, the Bible. Taming our tongues and being mindful of what we say is a much bigger deal than we give it. Scriptures show that not only are we humanly not able to tame our tongues, we must bridle our mouth (meaning TAKE ACTION)!


  • Our spouse-Do we build them up, encourage, love them or are we complaining, being negative, nagging, disrespectful? What percentage is positive and what negative?
  • Our children– Do our words to them heal, inspire, encourage, bring life or are we irritable, only notice the faults, discourage and not the LIGHT Jesus instructs us to be to them?
  • Our parents– Even though most of us are out of the home. How do we treat our parents when we talk to them even via phone? Or do we even find the time to talk to them at all? This goes for in-laws as well!
  • Our friends– When we get together with our friends in a group, what is foremost in our conversation? Does anything need to be shifted? Do we talk 80% of the time about world things and 20% heaven focuced or is it the othe way around?
  • Our girlfriends– Those closest to use, when the walls come down and we speak freely, what is our conversation about? Would it be one Jesus would partake in if He joined us for tea and sat around the table with us?
  • Ourselves– Kept this one last, because it’s so important. What I store in my heart is what will flow out of me. What have I been storing up: unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment? The things I dwell upon and give most of my time to with influence what comes out of me. Does my language not reflect what I’d like it to? What needs to be changed?


  • James 2: 1-12 On my own, I cannot tame my tongue.
  • James 1: 26 If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.
  • James 3: 2- If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
  • Matt 15: 11- Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.
  • Luke 6:45 The mouth speaks what the heart is full of!
  • Rom 14:1 Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things.


Submit my words and self to supernatural enablement to do what only the Holy Spirit is capable of doing. Submit to God and let the Holy Spirit transform me from the inside, flowing out.


  • James 1:19- Help me to be quick to listen and slow to speak.
  • Eph 4: 29- Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear.)
  • 1 Tim 4:12- But be an example to the believers in word.
  • Eph 5: 2&3- Let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
  • Prov 18: 20- A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; from the produce of his lips he shall be filled.
  • Matt 12:35- But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give an account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words, you will be condemned.
  • Psalm 19: 14- Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
  • Col 3: 8- But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.
  • Prov 20:19- Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.
  • Hebrews 13:5- Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise–the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.
  • Proverbs 17:28- Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise.


CONFESS to God the damage my words have made. Confess doesn’t just mean saying apologizing that I spoke things I should have spoken. It’s actually bringing the sin to the light and saying repenting God for raising my voice at my husband, etc

CONFESS that I need the Holy Spirit in me to speak through me and guide me. For the Holy Spirit to take over my tongue and clean out my heart. So when I speak, Jesus flows out of me.

PRAY that God will give a strong consciousness and awareness about the impact our words make. They bring life or death! (Be prepared for God to show you, it may hurt.)

PRACTICE speaking in a way that my words will encourage, edify, inspire, comfort, heal and bring life. Consistent practice – makes better and better. Remember, it takes 40 days to change a habit.

What I practice will become a habit. My habit will become a lifestyle!

The connection between our spiritual heart and tongue cannot be broken. Before I speak, do I do a practice run on what you want to say, determine the motive behind it and whether it really needs to be said?. And if not, get a cup of water and slowly start drinking to distract yourself from speaking.

When your friends ask about your momentary silence or the reasoning for your lack of speaking, be HONEST! Tell them the Holy Spirit is working on your tongue and you are in listening/practice mode!

Consistently remind me I cannot control my tongue, I cannot do it on my own, it’s not about ME. My dependency is on the Holy Spirit and what He can do through me!!! Giving Him the glory and honor.

CONSISTENTLY dedicate my heart, mind and tongue to the Lord, for His glory, on a DAILY basis!

“If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless” (James 1:26). This is serious!


Lastly, read Part 2, for a deeper printable Study on this topic.

THANK YOU for visiting our online home, our little Corner of the internet.



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  1. This was so beautiful, Valia. I had tears in my eyes bcse its an answer to prayer. Ive been struggling so hard with yelling at my kids and I feel like I cant even control it, I have 4 kids under 4. I cant wait for the study. Thank for sharing about this topic.

    1. It really is a great topic. I’m SOO happy you were blessed by it! <3 You're going to love the study.

  2. What a great topic!!!! I always love your personal posts, this one is really personal to me.
    This has been something heavy on my heart like you. Especially when I get together with friends. It seems like we have time to talk about everyone and everything but God. The if bring it up they almost laugh at me. I feel God is telling me I need to find different friends. ? I seriously cannot wait for the study.

    1. Sara, Thanks so much for stopping by. I think you are in for a treat with this study. I’ve included a little evaluation that is so helpful about friends. 🙂
      I so appreciate hearing I’m not the only one that needed some trimming. Be blessed and thanks for being a part of our online home.

  3. Thanks Valentina this is great timing for me. How I speak has been on my mind especially how I speak towards my children and husband. I want to build them up with my words not always be correcting or critical. I’m not at all a chatty/talkative person and giving praise and being encouraging isn’t something I find easy. But I know it is really important to work on. I tend to be very critical of myself and I guess, in part, that’s what’s at the heart of the problem. I’ll be reading this post over again a few times and am looking forward to the print off ?
    I came across a blog post the other day where a mother set up a jar labelled bad words and another labelled good words and they would put a marble in when good or bad words were said. A marble can be smooth and beautiful but can be hard and hurt when thrown. Similar to the differences between good and bad words. I thought it would be a good way to make me and my kids more aware of how we speak.
    I also struggle with the differences between not striving on my own strength but striving while looking for Him to change me if that makes sense?
    Sorry for the long comment ? ☺️

    1. Sophie, I just LOVED your comment. I have read it several times. I just really appreciate women that can be honest and open, one that can be raw and take all the walls down. You, my friend, are a special one and don’t let anyone EVER tell you otherwise.
      I loved the illustration of the jars. How creative. I’ll have to try that with my kiddos, thanks so much for sharing!
      PLEASE DON’T apologize for the long comment. They are my FAVORITE to read. I get to know you more and that’s special. I hope you love this study and God will meet you on your personal level. He’s so good at that!! <3

  4. This is so powerful. Thanks for speaking what’s on your heart. Always can relate. I will be doing the study with my daughters, cannot wait for it. ?
    I hope you’ll do more!! A good topic would be respect for elders. This new generation needs that topic.
    Blessing to your family.

    1. Anya, your comment seriously had me crying (happy tears). I struggled with whether to post this for many weeks. I kept saying no because it’s very personal and not something other people may struggle with, that I was the only weird one. God kept reinforcing He wanted me to post it. Reading your comment is the most beautiful confirmation. Though I feel unworthy, to Him be the glory!
      I hope you are as blessed by the study as I was, though it’s hard to change old habits.
      I have a few other studies I have prepared for times I spoke at women’s conferences or youth meetings. I will see how this study is received and maybe do a few more:). I have Modesty and Submissive Wife, two topics very dear to my heart. I will have to search Scripture for respect – it’s such a good topic.

  5. Hello dear!! The post is amazing! Love it! So powerfull! Thank you so much for sharing dear!!
    God bless you Valentina!!
    Can’t wait for the print out version!
    Thank you!

    1. Thanks so much, Julie. I’m so happy to hear what God is teaching me (a continued work in progress) is a blessing to someone else.
      I think you will LOVE the printouts. They have a piece of my heart with them. <3

    2. Hello dear!
      Did you post the print out yet? I was wondering maybe I missed it?
      God bless you!☺️

      1. Hi, Julie. I am SOOO happy you were waiting for that! I accidentally scheduled it for the wrong Friday. So it will be up this Friday! I cannot wait for your feedback. <3

  6. Prov 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your paths straight. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  7. Hello Valentina – I so appreciated your study on the mouth! This is something that I am often turning to the Lord for forgiveness and instruction on!!!! I particularly liked your suggestion of drinking water when conversation takes a turn!!!! I will try it. I can’t wait to print off the next part. Thanks for being vulnerable!!!! You have a gift of teaching!

    1. Thank you so much for the sweetest comment. I’m so glad what the Lord is teaching me has resonated with your heart as well.

    1. You are so kind, Galina. Thank you for the wonderful words of support. We are so happy to have you a part of our online family.

  8. Hi Valentina, I enjoy reading your posts. Just a little tip, you have some typos that if fixed would make the reading more smooth🥰. I say this with a sisterly love and no sarcasm intended. Be blessed in what you do.

    1. Thank you so much for the sweet tip, Alena. I must admit typos and grammatical errors are not my strongest areast. We will try to improve. 🙂