Anniversary Post 3
I am so excited to finally be posting the conclusion of the Anniversary series; I hope you have enjoyed Post 1 and Post 2 of this series. This is definitely my favorite of the three!. Hurry, go brew a cup of hot tea or coffee, read, re-read and comment away!
Before I begin, I would like to warn you, many of you will not agree on my first statement! I might actually loose a few followers and that is all right because I am a huge believer in this idea. Without further ado, let us dive right in. I am a huge believer that God is behind every word in the Bible and every sentence carries weight more than anything I will come up with. Gen 2:24 and Eph 5:31 state that a husband a wife shall become one. Yes, our children are the greatest gifts from God, as are the parents we are blessed with, but we are not one with neither! We are one with the spouse. I as a wife, cannot, spend all of my energy and time around my children and leave my husband with what is left of me at the end of the day (aka nothing). I truly believe that in a sense my husband is more important that my children (yes, I hear some of you gasp and shake your head now). Hear me out though before you close this post. Our children are a gift from God for a temporary time. They then leave and start a family of their own and I to continue live with my spouse. So many times in marriages, everything revolves around children. Parents lose the love for each other and before long they become roommates. Then their children marry and start a life of their own and these roommates who are no longer one (and I’m not talking physically here), have no idea what to do with each other. They never took the time to keep their marriage alive and flourishing.
I, as a stay at home mamma, am instilling this in our children from a very young age. Ex: I told my friend this concept once, she was so in shock and nearly called me a bad mom that I would betray my children for the husband. She goes on to say I cannot bake a cake and not have the kids wait to eat it until her husband is home or else the kids get offended. You better believe it my friends, the cakes I make, my husband does not get the scraps from what is left after our children. My children know how much I love my husband and they too get excited when daddy comes home and mom takes the cake and dad sees it whole as a labor of love for him and them of course. It’s not offensive to them, it’s respectful of mom’s and dad’s relationship. From a young age our children hear you will one day marry and leave us, you will then start building your own family, we are working on ours.
Do I give all of my energy to the housework and children and leave the Mr. with nothing but an “I’m exhausted”? After a long day does he ask for a foot massage or back massage and I decline because I gave all of my energy to my children? Hey, I’m not saying there aren’t those days you just really are drained. But is it a constant situation? Then our husband become absent from home and begin to find fulfillment in other things and we sit back and say what did I do wrong?
I hope this post with ideas might get you excited to start dating your spouse again. Getting excited to spend alone time once kids are down or going out on a date and not feeling guilty about it.
hello good looking-
Alright, here is one that might make some of us a little uncomfortable in our seats. I bet most of you reading have children and probably have larger family. How easy is it to get caught up in the children, laundry, cooking and totally forget about our outward appearance. Men are visual peeps! My friends, right before he comes home work, put on some perfume, fix your hair, get out of your pajamas,
wait, say what? do you stay in pj’s all day?. The man is exhausted, get him excited to come home to you! Does this mean every day he comes home, you look like you’re a single gal who has spent 2 hours on her appearance? Absolutely not. Who has that kind of time? If it means you nap 15 minute while the babies are napping so you have enough energy at the end of an tiresome day to spend some time on your appearance, do it. Honey he will tell you to rest 2 hours if he sees you all spiffy and the perfume you have on makes him weak in the knees, score, it’s a win, win and baby cakes you can now rest without guilt.!. Or course we aren’t talking everyday but what a treat if we cared about the way we look for our hubby’s sake and not only when we go to out to impress who knows who, hehe. We’re to be impressing the man walking life’s journey with us.
ideas for date nights-
If you don’t have an option for a sitter, as friends to swap kids for date nights. You watch theirs while you’re on your date, and they do the same for you when they’d like some time away.
- Dinner- leave the children out of the conversation.
- Ice skating
- Ice cream
- Look at old photo albums and reminisce
- Play games. Please don’t judge or laugh. I probably shouldn’t share this.., alright I will, but you probably won’t let me forget this one. Have you ever heard of Highlights magazine, Hidden Pictures? So when we had about 2 kiddos I’d say, we were such nerds (were and still are). We had just build our home and budget was seriously nothing, so I would print two of the same page for each of us and we would play against each other to see who’d find all the pictures first. LOOOOL!. It was so much fun, we’d have a blast. I will not tell you if we still do this.
While we’re talking games, we have this game we play in our van with (and without) our children (note to future spouses of our offspring, our children have inherited and picked up on all the nerdy games we play so be aware!). I want to share with you and you all need to try it with your family. When driving, look out for yellow colored automobiles. Whoever spies one first yells out taxi (or you can say banana, or lemon) and gets a point. Keeps everyone entertained and it’s rather fun. Winner is the one has most points until upon arriving at your destination. Gosh, tell me you found that somewhat entertaining once you tried!.
- Make a message in a bottle or a treasure box with all kinds of cute things and bury it together. Imagine digging that up in 5 or 10 years, how romantic!. Not the digging part of course, the treasure, hehe.:)
- Enjoy a picnic together. Blanket, basket and all.
- Go ice-skating
- Play sports together
- Workout together
- Go to a dollar store and do a say $20 dollar budget and shop separately, see who can come up with the most creative gift for the other!
- Do a scavenger hunt in your home. Each of you make one for the other and see who wins.
- Go canoeing together
- Cook together
- Horseback riding
- Make notes for each other of the great things you both see in each other. Store yours in one jar and his in another. You know those days where you have to really fight to make your marriage work? Pull out those jars and let these beautiful quotes soften your heart as you read how amazing your husband is and his notes to you, how great you are.
- Make a list of say 10 things you’d really want your husband to spoil you with. Even if it’s like basics of opening the door or purchasing you your favorite hydrangeas. Then have him write down his 10. When you go on your dates, make it a point to do one of those things. Or even just on regular days with the children present.
- Write and seal letters to each other. Open them when you really need some encouragement.
- Go fishing with him
Do sticky notes. In his car, in suit pockets, or his wallet or lunch box. Of course it doesn’t have to be every day, but every so often is awesome. Ask him to do the same! Cutest thing ever when you walk into your car and a sticky note with a Babe, thanks for walking through live with me message from him warms the heart something wonderful (is that even a legit sentence? sounded so romantic.. ish..).
date nights at home-
Ladies, let’s get creative and do dates at home!. Ask him to write down 6 of his absolute favorite dinners, desserts and salads. Say on the first Saturday of the each more you have an at home date night. 1) Have an extra fun day with the kids so they are exhausted and in bed early (you sneaky mamma, you, I did not just encourage that.) 2) Set the table up with fancy dinnerware that you don’t use on a daily basis. Add a candle, some soft music, and prepare him a three course meal. 3) Of course you are dressed in a dress that you know he favors. 4). No need to pay for a sitter 5) Relax, kids are right there and you’re not in a hurry to get home 6) If the weather is beautiful, set everything up outside, hang some Christmas lights, go all out ladies. 7) “Pretend” you are dating, dress separately, have him come knock on the front door and bring you some flowers (greens from the side of the house is perfect), walk around to the back together, as if you’re on a for real date 8) Ladies, once he has had his three course meal and tummy is a rumbling with pleasure, this is the perfect time to ask for those shoes or purse you’ve had your eye on, knowing most men, he’ll approve both the purse and shoes. (Not that you would set all this up just to do get the shoes and purse, that’d be horrible, oh boy, I feel like I’m digging myself a hole here.) 9) Say you prepare his favorite for this home date, next month have him get carry out on his way home and him treat you, or have him cook if he enjoys that. 10) Leave the phones somewhere out of reach. 11) The topic of kids is out of the conversation, it’s about you and him.
to do list dates-
Not sure whoever started this idea that going out to dinner was oh so romantic or the best part of dating each other. Every time I would search for ideas that was always one of the top ideas. I hope to change that belief, or at least slightly. So, you know how you have that to-do list of stuff that just needs done by the Mr.? When you are planning a date night, work on those things. Like we just had one of these awesome dates ourselves. We were going to have guests over and a wall needed to be painted. Kiddos went to bed and we had a date night together painting that wall. He painted, I made tea and cake, and fed him, we talked and laughed. I got some paint on his nose
(tmi), we had music playing, and it was fun! You know what was the best part? It was at home, no baby-sitter needed. I was one happy gal because we, together, as a team, were able to cross off that chore on our to-do list. Even if it’s a manly project, like rotating tires. Girlfriend, go out with him to that car, apply the same concept, bake some cookies, put on music, hold the screwdriver for him, talk, dream and whalaa, tire rotated. Something got done on the list, you had a great time and it wasn’t stuffing yourself and paying $55 for dinner, plus babysitter and nothing to show (okay maybe a tight skirt, hehe). Not isn’t that just a brilliant idea. Takes dating to a whole new level. Only a food blogger would this of this, eyyy? So go make a list of things you both need done and plan your to do list date night. Even if it’s sitting by him while he calculates invoices, just be present, refilling his cup with a hot beverage. Make copies, file papers for him. Since you’re wise wives and this may be something awkward for him, have him choose which chore he wants to tackle first. Even if it’s not the one you have in mind, go for it. Enjoy.
dreams and goals-
One of the greatest things that keeps a couple going is when they have the same goals, I believe. Dream BIG together!. Take time out with your husband and dream where you want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years etc.
Where do you see yourself financially?
Where do you see yourself spiritually?
Where do you see your family?
What are both of your dreams and biggest desires?
Where would you like to travel?
Who would you like to meet and etc.
and build off of these dreams. You know how the saying goes if you reach for the moon and if you miss, you’ll land on a star? Same scenario here. Now you have these goals together and individual ones and you can encourage one another through them. Like for example, let’s take my spiritual goals for as an example. My “reach for the moon dream” is to one day be a part of organizing Slavic Women’s Conferences and second to Open a Slavic Women’s home for mistreated and abused women that have no place to flee that are in bad situations and need their life changed. That my friends is shooting for the moon!. I have such a heart for women’s ministry. My husband knows my “moon dreams”, when I approached him about attending a women’s Bible study at a local church he was so for it. He was excited for me because I haven’t landed on my moon yet, but slowly getting into women’s ministry is my landing on a cloud that’s one step closes so to speak. Then when I have a really lazy day and just don’t want to go study, he pokes fun and say wait a minute, your dreaming so big and you don’t feel like going to Bible study today? Go. And I get my lazy, tired and exhausted self dressed and I go. Then you know what? The whole time I’m there, I’m so grateful he pushes me to go!
dating with a spiritual twist-
Another idea I’d like to offer you is do a date to grow not only together as hubby and wife but as a body of Christ. Have date nights that you really reflect on spiritual growth.
-I can read books every night and it would be the biggest blessing to me. My Mr. doesn’t like books, he’d rather listen or watch. So we watch a sermon together where we are able to pause and discuss the topic, get out our Bibles and tackle the differences we have.
-Fervently pray together for your family, church and friends. I love these prayers, there aren’t like the ones where it’s the basic things. They are the ones when neither is in a hurry and nothing gets missed. When your knees hurt because you’ve been on them so long yet you’re both so satisfied because the Holy Spirit was present without a doubt.
-Put an alarm clock and together wake up in the middle of the night to pray. Disrupting your sleep prayer is powerful my friends. So powerful.
-Read devotions together.
-Help each other grow spiritually. Your husband is your best friend. Ask him what you need to work on, help each other figure out how change can be make and what steps can be taken.
-As he is preparing his sermon (if he’s a preacher), be those hands of Aaron and Hur that helped Moses during the battle of the Amalekites and hold him in prayer so God will send Him a message to give to the church.
-If you have a sitter and are able to get out often, go to your church when no-one is there and pray together there.
-If you like driving, drive on streets and as you drive pass houses and bless the people that reside in them. Pray for others homes. You never know, your blessing or prayer might just be what this desperate family needed.
-Volunteer together somewhere.
-Watch War Room or Fireproof. Get popcorn popping and all.
These are the date nights that are dearest to me and the ones that will leave the biggest impact on our lives and our childrens.
getting to know each other-
Cute little questions you can work off of. Fill these out, add them to your dating journal and answer them. Do another one in one year. See how different your answers are, how much you’ve grown or changes over time. You can tweak the questions to your lifestyle!
- What is your favorite book of the Bible and why?
- What Bible figure do you aspire to most and why?
- What has God been working on in your heart most lately?
- What of your spiritual journey would you like to change and how can I help you achieve that change?
- If you could have been there to see a biblical even unfold, which would it be?
- If you could ask any Bible character a question, what and whom would it be?
- What can we do to help further the Kingdom of God?
- How can we be more active members of our church?
- What can we change about parenting Godly children in an ungodly world?
- How can I show grace more to you when you’ve make mistakes?
- What about me would you change if you could?
- Who do you look up to most and why?
- When do you feel most fulfilled most as a spouse or parent?
- How can I be an encouragement to you when you need it most?
- What do you find most attractive about me physically?
- What are my inward traits that are please you the most?
- What in our marriage do you think we need to work on most?
- What can I do to be a better spouse?
- I enjoy it most when you call me ?
- What is the best way for you to unwind?
Of course you won’t be able to do every single idea.We are all so different and enjoy different things and different seasons of life the dating will look different. I hope with these ideas however, your mind will start reeling with things you can do as a couple to make your marriage a more enjoyable one. Where you will have a stronger love, intimacy and respect for each other as the years pass. Where your love will deepen and your children will want that for their marriage.
Well, I will be wrapping up!. I hope you’ve enjoyed this series. I can now breath a sigh of relief.
Share some of your dating ideas?
ALSO, what topic would you like to cover next? Many of you have e-mailed and commented asking to do one on how to keep organized and plan days.
That is one I am slowly working on, what else? Comment below or e-mail me at [email protected]
Comments are such a blessing not one to ME, but others that read them!. So let’s hear your voice.
THANK you from the bottom of my year. I cannot wait to share these ideas with my husband. We have 3 kids under 5yr and I’m so drained:/ and he is too. We had such a romantic courtship and had our first child 1 year after our wedding.. Its tough.. But im so excited now.:-)…
Oh my hon. That is rough, yup, kids do pretty much drain you. I’m telling you, a date night of any kind, even if it’s once a month will do you two a world of good! You’re going to have to e-mail me and follow up how refreshed you are after your first one! Now you have to go on one, hehe.
Goodness I love your writing. I pick up points I can work on every time. This post – I need to get out of my pj’s before husband comes home😂.. Teasing, I love them all. Especially was touched by the Spiritual ideas for Dates. That was powerful! Blessings to you family.
P.S. I follow you on snap chat and am amazed! You’re superwoman. You do things on diff days, I would really like kind of post. I think we will as really learn from that.
Yes mam! Get out of them pj’s, you may wear them all day though, just change before he comes (lol…)! Nice to have you on snap chat!. I sure do snap a ton! ;)..
Thanks for pouring your heart out!. We love these posts.. I remember in one of the other ones someone gave the idea for you to open a PO Box, did you ever do that and can you share the address? I would love to send your family something for all of your hard work?
One topic I’d really like covered is- I feel like I almost always need to see my kids, like control them. I know that is bad but if I don’t know where they are for a few seconds I panic and I know that’s wrong because Im not trusting God.?
Sulamiya, I just love your beautiful name!. How neat!.
Yes, I actually did open a P.O. Box, it’s so nice to have everything go there and keep my personal life and blog separate as much as possible. I got a few handwritten letters and with technology so advanced, it was the best gift. Thank you ladies if you are reading this, yes I cried (happy tears) I was so touched. I am keeping them too:).. My family and I have everything possible, so please don’t spend money on us but a letter would be soo appreciated!:)
P.O. Box 49
Middlebranch, OH 44652
Thank you Valentina. Without going into detail, God knows how badly out marriage needed this post. 4 kids, haven’t been alone since the first one was born 8 years ago. Is there anyway I can get this send to me so I want to print it? Blessings…
Sonya, Oh my hon!. I bet you are completely drained. If you haven’t gone out because of a sitter, do things at home once they are asleep. You will see such a huge difference in you and in your marriage. You will feel so energized to tackle the everyday things when you have time off to just recharge.I sent you the PDF file of this post and a separate list with just the questions.
Yes I agree about all these topics they are such a good reminder for keeping that romance and good friendship in marriage alive! I’m still working on the habit of changing from my sweats and making my hair and makeup before hubby comes home. I love how he compliments and says how good I look in front of the kids;) and most of our date nights we still end up discussing stuff about kids, this motivates for me to change that! I also want to have a different date for us each month of this year, just two of us! And praying together and having Christ in the center is so so so important and powerful I wish I learned that earlier in my marriage. Thank you for writing Love reading these posts!!!! 😘
Yelena. I love that he compliments you and notices you changed! That’s awesome! Because our children make up our world, it comes nature to constantly talk about them. I’m excited for you two.
Girl…you are one talented lady. You definitely on to something here with your posts. Love it. I just had to comment about Highlights magazine…because we SO did the same thing the other night! No joke. It’s so funny b/c I recently bought the subscription for my son and I’m not so sure he’s into them as much as we are b/c we spend good 30 min the other night doing the little hidden pictures part with my hubby. I’m literally LOL right now. Good to know we’re not the only geeky ones 🙂
Girlfriend. No wonder I love you so much. You guys are awesome! Highlights all the way.
Thank you so much for these posts! I truly enjoy reading them! I am married to my husband for almost two years and also a mom for 10 months with another little blessing on our way. I’m so thankful I came across your post! I feel like I need to learn so much and everyday want to grow in Christ and always be a wise Godly wife and mother! Your posts have given me lots of advice! Thank you!! Continue writing them and may God bless you and your family!!
I have so much room for improvement and am inspired all the time to work on myself as a wife, mother and child of God. I love reading books and listening to other women who give their insights and I get so excited when I can try applying something to our life and see if it will be a blessing. We live in such a blessed time. There are so many Godly women out there who has so much to share and I’m so grateful I have access to all of this info.
P.S. Congrats on the addition to your family. May your children grow up to serve the Lord and bring much happiness to your family.
I’m really impressed with your beautiful family. I’m sure it’s hard to believe that so many years have passed since you said your “I do”, at the same time it probably feels like it was last month. I can relate with you.
I very much agree about pj’s (honestly I NEVER UNDERSTAND women spending day in pajamas, even in front of kids only) and I don’t think it is a good idea to own a pair-night gowns are better option, at least before 60.Lol.
I don’t really agree with you on some things. It’s OK if husbands know that we are weak and get tired, even if they are the only providers for the family. We could benefit from some massage and bubble bath too, you know. Stay-at-home mom is not an easy, nor appreciated enough JOB in most cases, and especially if it’s not our choice of “career”, it must be rewarded with great support and understanding from the spouse. Including massage and date nights. And maybe I’ll say something completely out of sense, but my husband for example is completely unmoved by food, and will never be able to eat 3- course meal. Lol. Also we aim to eat at least dinner together as a family; date nights happen after kids are in bed and asleep, so fruits, berries, small canapés work best for us and easier to accomplish without sacrificing in the kitchen at night. Maybe this will be useful for you.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your posts and glad that you took a week off of routine and went to cruise with your beautiful family. God bless you.
Olga, thank you so much for your input!.
I think I’m in trouble because I am guilty of the pj’s (hehe, yup, have had days where I felt terrible and they were the comfiest for me. Especially when prego with my girls, that was rough).
I think you may have misunderstood my post, or I worded it wrongly. Since I am a women, I feel it would be slightly awkward for me to give ideas for the man to do things. This is just coming from my perspective as a wife, things I can offer. It’s humanly impossible for the wife to never feel exhausted and tired or have all the wonderful things done for us as you mentioned, those are absolutely a must and such a blessing.
Sounds like you have all of this down with your family and that is awesome, love it, we are still learning, hehe. Blessings to your family as well and may everything you desire in the New Year come true!
P.s. Yes. It does seem unreal how quickly time flies and I cannot believe we have five kidlets and almost a teenager in our home, unreal (and we’re getting older too, now this I feel).
Valichka my dear thank you SOO much for posting such uplifting posts ! I love them and I appreciate them soo much !!! I feel like this post makes me SOO excited I love having alone time with my husband and I love how your soo encouraging being with him when he fixes things it’s soo funny but that’s what my husband says to me a lot you just standing there gives me a boost of energy to work, thank you these posts are a blessing for me and my family , yes I’m SOO guilty of the pjs thing too I feel like I can tackle everything with them on or something and then when he comes home I really need to change I can be soo dirty from the kids wooh , yeah I deffinately feel you ladies on being drained at stay at home moms may GOD strengthen us all !! Our job is very important our kids will be with us only for a short time before there off being grown ups and parents themselves 🙂 we are blessed with 3 beautiful children and have been married for like 3 yrs and 4 months wow so being busy and and busy yeah it’s a lot of work but praise GOD!!!!GOD is SOO good to us !!!! kids are such a blessing !!!! And thank you SOO much my dear for encouraging us and reminding us that it’s SOO important to keep our marriage alive and having that love grow in our marriage! I realized it’s so easy to make marriage stale and just lifeless going with the daily tasks by the end of the day we all feel drained and frustrated just so easy, and realize breaks are SOO important getting away and just having those date nights together, communication is so important I feel like the days were So busy with life and barely talk is the days you feel so distant from your spouse it’s so true, there are these marriage counseling videos my husband and I tried watching and wow this has some good insight if anyone is interested there are like 6 parts to this I think couples can benefit from this 🙂
This post scares me! We don’t have any children but are in the process of adoption of up to two at once. Worried about what life will be like when all of a sudden some kids get dropped off on my door step… and both of us working full time. Yikes!
Oh no Kitti! I feel terrible. This post want not meant to scare or discourage at all. It was meant to get excited and encouraged!. I am beyond happy to hear you are adopting, that is one of my top dreams, to adopt one day!. I sent you an e-mail, check it.
What a great and helpful series of posts!
Some four or five years back, I started looking at my marriage and realizing that this is not what I want for the rest of my life. There was nothing horribly wrong with our marriage, I just wasn’t satisfied with it and knew it could be so much better. I started seeking God, spending time with Him in prayer every day and He completely transformed not only my marriage but ME most of all. He opened my eyes to what I was doing wrong, my mindset about things and of course my bad habits and my character. It is still a work in progress with us and I imagine will be for the rest of our lives but my husband and I are at a point where we are happy with our marriage and each other.
I guess what I really wanted to say was – start seeking the Lord, pray for your husband, your marriage, and for God to start the change within YOU. This is a fail-proof method in my book!
Can I add just one more thing?:) If there is anyone out there who’s husband is an early riser, has to go to work before the kids wake up, start waking up with him and cooking him breakfast. Even if he isn’t a breakfast person, brew him a cup of tea or coffee, sit with him and spend some precious minutes together:) In my opinion, time spend with my husband early in the morning is the most wonderful time of my day.
I am looking forward to more thought-provoking posts from you, Valichka! Blessing to you and your family.
Marina. I absolutely loved reading your comment and can just say “Praise God” and agree with everything. I set so many will be blessed by this comment. I totally agree with getting up earlier and spending some time with hubs before work. I’m not a morning person but this is my favorite part of the day. Blessing to your family.